To all men: Do NOT do this.
First, here’s something you should know about me. I don’t know how to hold or use a hand mic. It’s not a skill I’ve acquired despite speaking at hundreds of events. Shockingly enough, it has not affected my ability to add value or share expertise with a global audience. In fact, it has NEVER been a huge issue until TODAY.
I just got back from a panel discussion on Metaverse and AI at NYU. A fellow panelist from one of the largest tech companies on the planet GRABBED my hand mid-discussion and tried to FORCE it into “the right position.” It was jarring as I have never met this man before in my life and even then, it’s the year 2023, men in my professional network do NOT feel entitled to touch or grab women without their consent.
I laughed it off and continued on with the discussion (like so many women do) because I am a PROFESSIONAL and out of respect for my hosts who seem like genuinely decent people. But here’s some advice for ALL MEN in the tech industry and beyond. Note: These are not new rules that I made up. These are basic courtesy lessons that most of us learned in KINDERGARTEN.
- Use YOUR words.
- ASK if your help is needed.
- Ask for CONSENT.
- Do NOT touch women without their consent.
- Do NOT grab women without their consent.*
*If you’re thinking “He was only trying to help” — it’s one thing to grab/push someone out of harm’s way if the person is in a burning building or in front of a speeding car or an asteroid. This was a small room with a few dozen people, not even a giant auditorium, and not an urgent crisis by any stretch of the imagination.
This kind of behavior maybe normalized in your toxic workplace (if so, women should be warned not to work there) but anywhere else it will get you hauled in by HR for a talk, used as an example of “what not to do” in workplace harassment trainings, and get you punched in the face.
What makes this episode more disturbing is that just yesterday I was at an inspiring ‘Girls in Tech’ event hosted by ITU at Columbia University. It was so positive and the future felt very bright. Today was a horrific reminder that we can’t keep sending vulnerable young women into these tech spaces where men feel entitled to touch/ grab them and behave however they want under the pretext of being helpful.
I am angry and want you all to be just as angry and proactive in calling out toxic behaviors whether it’s in real life or in virtual spaces because girls and women deserve much better.
#tech #techbro #culture #genderbasedviolence #safety #violenceintheworkplace #handsoff #consent #boundariesarehealthy #HR #workplace #metaverse #virtualreality #womenintech #girlsintech
